I will first describe my kundalini awakening, and then mention some relevant aspects of my life before the awakening. Following this, I will present a summary of my life’s journey after the awakening.
So, my kundalini awakening occurred over 45 years ago, in 1976, at the age of 26. I was practicing a kundalini yoga pose that I had recently learned from Yogi Bhajan. Sitting in easy pose with my arms behind me and my hands clasped together, I bent forward, straightening my arms, and stretching them up over my head. After holding this pose for a few seconds, I slowly returned to an upright position and lowered my arms. Immediately after returning to my starting position, a ball of energy rose up my spine. Within a couple seconds, it reached the top of my head. And then, in an instant, I lost ego consciousness and was completely immersed in white light. I did not see the light. There was no sensory perceptions of any kind, only a brilliant white light. This state lasted only about 10 or 15 seconds. When I returned to my waking state of ego awareness, I was neither frightened nor confused. I knew that I had been united with the Divine, and that my consciousness was irrevocably transformed.
My spiritual journey began as a child. I was raised as a Roman Catholic and attended a Catholic grade school where I was a devout altar boy, assisting priests in the celebration of the Mass. I had an early calling to the priesthood, but attending a seminary did not seem to be the right path for me. I attended a Catholic high school, where I enjoyed math and science classes, and participated in theater and speech activities. It was during those years that I rejected the requirement to believe in the dogmas of the Catholic Church. I would only accept what I knew to be true through my own knowledge and direct experience.
I then attended a large state university and graduated with a business degree, although I was a theater major for a semester. I obtained a corporate job and married my first love and college sweetheart. After working for almost three years, first as an accountant and then as a programmer/analyst, I resigned from my position and returned to school to begin studies in the field of neurobiology. I wanted to research the nature of human consciousness.
My wife and I were once again students at the same university. She was fisnishing her degree in Interdiscplinary Engineering, in preparation for Medical School, and I started a bachelor’s program in Biology. By this time, however, our marriage was on shaky ground. In addition to falling into the many pitfalls facing those who marry at a young age, my wife was struggling with suicidal tendencies. It was a very stressful and challenging time for both of us. When my wife was accepted into medical school, she decided that she did not want to begin that program and also have a marriage to save. She filed for a divorce. This was devastating to me for two reasons. First, I was heartbroken. I deeply loved her and was always optimistic about us working through the issues we faced as a couple. Second, I could not reconcile the reality of a divorce. I believed in the permanence of marriage, not because of a dogma of the Catholic Church or even our marriage vows, but because the connection between us was sacred and could not be broken. As Jesus Christ has said: “What God has joined together, let man not separate.” Although I was deeply hurt by her decision, I was not angry. No matter how difficult it was for me to accept the end of our marriage, I would continue to love this woman. This complete surrendering to love was my saving grace. Henri Nouwen, a Dutch Catholic priest, in his book “The Inner Voice of Love” wrote: “Every time you experience the pain of rejection, absence, or death, you are faced with a choice. You can become bitter and decide not to love again, or you can stand straight in your pain and let the soil on which you stand become richer and more able to give life to new seeds.” In his book “The Prophet”, Kahlil Gibran expresses this sentiment: “To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving . ” Sufi master Hazrat Inayat Khan, aptly describes my experience: “If someone strikes my heart, it does not break, but it bursts, and the flames shooting forth act as a torch to light my path.”
My wife moved to another city to attend medical school. I lost interest in pursuing a career in neurobiology and enrolled in computer science classes and planned to return to working in the information technology field. I moved into a large co-op house with seven other students. It was at a party at this house that I discovered the true passion of my life – dance. A semester was just starting and I registered for beginning classes in both ballet and modern dance. After a few months, I returned to the corporate world as a programmer/analyst. My new job took me to a large city where I continued my study of ballet and modern dance. A new friend introduced me to international folk dancing which I thoroughly enjoyed.
A couple of months later, while perusing the books at the local food co-op, my attention was captured by the image of a man on the cover of a book. The man was Paramahansa Yogananda. The book was “Autobiography of a Yogi.” I was intrigued by his story. After reading the book, I wanted to learn more about his teachings. I was pleased to discover that, in my city, there was a weekly meditation service of the Self Realization Fellowship, an organization founded by Yogananda. I started to attend the services regularly and began to receive weekly meditation lessons in the mail. Through these lessons and the weekly services, I learned the fundamentals of various meditation techniques, as well as some of the spiritual teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda.
About six months after my initial connection with the Self-Realization Fellowship, I took a kundalini yoga class with Yogi Bhajan. A couple weeks later, my kundalini awakened occurred. The day after this event, I went to work and a colleague greeted me in the morning, asking “Hi, what’s new?” My first thought was to reply that I was united with God last night, but instead, I answered “Not much. What’s new with you?” At this time, I had continued to work as a programmer/analyst during the day and studied ballet and modern dance in the evenings. I continued to progress in my dance training and was accepted as an apprentice with a professional dance company. I also enjoyed weekly folk dancing and performed with a couple of dance groups.
The kundalini awakening did not result in any immediate changes in my life. I continued to meditate regularly and attend the weekly Self-Realization Fellowship services. However, I was at the point in the lessons where they invited me to accept initiation into the technique of Kriya Yoga and surrender to the guru. Given my state of consciousness as a result of the kundalini awakening, this path no longer seemed appropriate for me. I believed that I had already attained their goal of achieving self-realization.
I moved back to my home city a couple of years later and obtained another computer job. I took ballet, modern, and jazz dance classes in the evenings and weekends. I performed with several international folk dance groups and also with several ballet and modern dance companies. I continued with my meditations and started reading books about yoga philosophy. I particularly enjoyed those written by Georg Feuerstein.
While attending a dance workshop at the Omega Institute in 1980, I was introduced to the teachings of Sufi master Hazrat Inayat Khan, who founded the Sufi Order in the West in 1910, and created a unique form of Sufism. During his time in the West, he created a school of spiritual training based on his vision of the unity of all religions and the awakening of humanity to the divine within. His teachings deeply resonated with me. I don’t recall the specifics of what initially attracted me to the Sufi tradition, but it was probably related to the idea of cultivating within ourselves aspects of the divine personality such grace, glory, wisdom, joy, and peace. I recognized a need for further spiritual development and assistance in fulfilling my life’s purpose. I then started to attend trainings and services held at a Sufi center in my city.
I attended a meditation retreat the following year, at the Sufi Abode of the Message. It was led by Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, current head of the Sufi Order in the West and son of Hazrat Inayat Khan. Pir Vilayat taught both the teachings of his father and his own contributions in order to train and guide individuals. Pir Vilayat was more than an inspiring teacher. His presence radiated the divinity that is possible within our humanity. At the end of the retreat, I decided to accept initiation by Pir Vilayat into the Sufi Order. I don’t remember the exact question he asked of me when I stood before him, but it was something like “Will you commit to follow, to the best of your ability, the teachings of the masters and prophets of all religions, particularly those of the Sufi tradition?” I replied with a firm “Yes”.
Over the course of the next several years, I attended many retreats and trainings led by Pir Vilayat or by senior teachers in the Sufi Order. I enrolled in the Sufi School of Universal Worship, studying each of the world’s major religions. I participated in the Sufi Dances of Universal Peace. I incorporated a few of the Sufi spiritual practices into my meditations. The most notable practice being the dhikr, which, as described by Pir Vilayat, is “a ritual of remembrance for inviting the Divine Presence into the chamber of the heart. Based on the repetition of the Arabic phase ‘La ilaha illa llah hu’ – ‘There is no Divinity except God’ – this practice includes circular movements of the head and body.” I enjoyed the company of those attending the Sufi trainings and developed some warm friendships. However, because of my kundalini awakening, I always felt different from the others who were following the Sufi practices for inner transformation. Pir Vilayat has stated “…awakening beyond life can never be the final goal of spiritual practice. It has to be followed by awakening in life.” From my perspective, I was already awakened beyond life by the kundalini awakening. What I needed was to awaken in life or, as expressed by Hazrat Inayat Khan to “Make God a reality.”
At this time in my life, I have retired from a successful and progressive career in Information Technology, where I held various positions engaged in the design, development, and support of enterprise management systems for large corporations. Dance continues to be important, although I am past my prime as a dancer. Unfortunately, because of continual injuries resulting from a congenital lower back disorder, I was never able to attain the technical proficiency to perform at a professional level. Nonetheless, over the years, I have danced in more than one hundred performances with over a dozen groups encompassing a wide range of styles. Currently, I am slowly in the process of developing my own expression of contemporary sacred circle dance, which I have called Radiant Dance. For the past year, I have been involved with the international, online Kundalini Collective Community. Here is a link to their site: https://www.kundalinicollective.org/
This past year, I was also interviewed for two podcasts:
https://www.kundalinicollective.org/podcasts